The Year That Was (013)

Dear blog,

You must hate me for changing your name thrice this year, or love me because I spoil you with a new look every time even when no one really looks. You see, I want you to always feel pretty and cared for.

In case you don't know, it's the last day of the year. And it has been one hell of a year. Crazy. Crazy good.

I feel like I owe you an apology. Remember last year when I made a blog post about 2013 goals? They hardly happened. I feel like a failure for not being able to meet my goals and expectations, but I am happy that many other (GREAT) things happened instead.

I attended school from January up to December this year with about 2 weeks off between semesters. I learned so much from my classes, and met the most amazing professors I am probably going to remember all my life. I was given the opportunity to present two papers at a student conference - my first one ever. I made my parents very proud. I made my whole family very proud. I, too, am proud of myself, but I could be more proud had I done a couple of things differently. But I know that things don't always go your way, you can't please everybody, and that things happen.

This year, I feel that I have spent sufficient time with my family, which I believe is very important. I know that I have been a very good daughter. Sometimes it gets exhausting, but that's just a matter of fact. I will never complain for spending too much time with my family, or cooking several dishes all at once because I like seeing people I love happy. It makes me happy.

I'm not rich in material things; I am still in the process of making that happen. But I am very, very rich in faith, family, and love above all other things. I know that material riches count. Some people think my priorities are shitty for settling with the few things I have. I don't know. I guess that's just how I roll.

I made new friends, and became distant with some. I don't consider them 'lost friendships' because I will always be a friend. Even if I don't talk with someone for several months, I will still be there - ready to pick things up where we left off. I'm that kind of person. I value people more than I should.

I'm ranting. Forgive me, blog. It's the last day of the year and I feel it's right to express my sentiments. Consider it as taking down a heavy load, ready to pick up new ones starting tomorrow.

I loved 2013. I will always love it. I don't think I can say goodbye to it just yet but I guess I have to in a few hours. Tomorrow scares me. 2014 scares me. But I think it will be fine. Don't you think?

It will be okay.

Love,
Joey of 2013

Tea Therapy: The Great Chasen Hunt and Matcha Latte

I am the type of person who learns to like the most random things at the most random times. And when I become invested (or so I think) on something, there is just no forgetting it unless, of course, something more interesting grabs my attention. In other words, I am very impulsive. But it's never an issue as long as I become productive at or with it. I try my best..

Yesterday, I bought 50g of Matcha (green tea) powder from David's Tea when we were at Metrotown in Burnaby. David's Tea has nice, cheap teas; the friendliest staff; and the prettiest merchandise. The interest sparked last Thursday when my uncle and I were at Teavana looking for a secret santa gift and I came across a small tin can of the green powdery goodness that is Matcha. But, I've always liked green tea or just tea in general. Anyway, my problem was- I didn't have a chasen (bamboo matcha whisk) to do the ritual with. I'd use an ordinary whisk or a frother, but I can be very meticulous. Plus, it's part of the Japanese culture and it's just right to respect that. PLUS, my uncle (we have the same, exact personality type: INFJ) is also big on culture and detail and wants me to use the real thing. We went to Daiso at Aberdeen Mall in Richmond but they phased it out. Imagine my disappointment missing out on a $2 chasen! But I guess buying a cheap chasen isn't 'the real thing' (?) Izumi-Ya, also in Richmond, doesn't carry it either. I called several small Japanese retailers this morning and not one of them has it. Nikaido in Steveston, Ming Wo in Lansdowne has it for around $15. I decided to go with the one Teavana sells, which costs $12.95. I went to Daiso to purchase a cheap frother ($2) because I wanted to make pretty latte. The frother doesn't look nor feel cheap.

I failed to create latte art.

Textured bowl w/ Matcha & Teavana's bamboo whisk

 Finished product! Not bad for a first timer, eh?

Yes, the green motif was intentional. No, flax milk does not froth. I used 2% milk. Yes, I will most probably make another one tonight because I gave the first one to my dad.

Yay.

Tea is my therapy. Preparing it relaxes me, drinking it relaxes me. Tea is the best thing ever...next to a lot of best-thing-evers.

The grand life: All things unseen

Post-birthday realization: I am twenty-one. I am blessed. I have a far from perfect life, but I am happy. Instead of sulking and wishing that things would be better for me, I have learned to accept that some things are not meant to happen now. How else are we to get on with our lives if we don't first accept that the things we don't have are just not meant to be ours right now? Stop asking "why not me?" and start saying "not yet".

Coincidentally, as it will be for the next 2 more years, my birthday sat on Thanksgiving weekend! I was so hungover from my birthday last year, I don't remember what we did for Thanksgiving! What did we do last year? Whatever it is that we did, it must have been fun. Celebratory. This year was quite different. I decided not to celebrate my birthday nor Thanksgiving with turkey because I had an exam to prepare for. Party pooper, I know. It was a big exam for me and I needed the time to study. Instead of celebrating my 21st birthday with booze or lots of food because of the woohoo-I'm-legal-everywhere ideology, I had a nice dinner with my parents. Simple, but special. I may not have celebrated the past weekend as I did last year, but nevertheless, I am thankful for so many things from the past year. Here are a few:

1. Family. If any of you recall, my mom wasn't in Canada for my birthday last year. The last time I celebrated my birthday with both my parents present was in 2011. That was a good year. A week after my 2012 birthday, my grandfather passed away. It was a really sad time. Although it was nice to have gone home for even just a week, I wish my lolo didn't have to go so soon. I still miss him. When I think of him, I feel like crying. Now that it's almost a year since, I am thankful for the strength He has given my family, especially my grandmother. I am thankful for everyone's good health. I am thankful I got to know someone as marvellous as my grandfather.

2. Jam. In two weeks, it will be exactly one year since we last saw each other (for a week).  I am thankful for all the strength, love, and patience we have in our relationship. On our 43rd month next week, I am thankful that we've come this far. She is amazing. My life is amazing because of her.

3. Friends. Some grow apart, some grow closer. I am thankful for every friendship. I am thankful for the opportunities I am given to reconnect with people. I am also thankful for new acquaintances and people I met over the internet who support me in everything I do.

4. Puberty. Yes, this is on the list. Have you seen me before? Have you seen how hideous I used to look? Not saying that I am attractive now, but I look less gusgusin (unkempt). Or I'm just fatter? Whatever, but I like me better now.

The old photos were taken only four years ago. Imagine if we go back further. It really does get better.

5. Life. Of course, life. For every opportunity to learn, share, appreciate;; for every moment of failure and success; of love and hate; I am thankful. Thank you for this life.

It is definitely a grand life: not in material, not in success, but in every blessing I am showered. My life is not my life because of me. Occasionally, I would give myself a tap on the back. There are reasons why I should be proud of myself, but it's not right to take all the credit. It is all because of everything and everyone around me that I am here today. And HIM, of course. I owe it to everyone but myself.

Positive reinforcement

The thing is, the next few months are going to be very busy. It is only my second week back and I am already feeling jittery, panicky about the large chunks of work I have to accomplish in such a short period of time. Do not get me wrong, though; I am very excited. I will be working on totally different things, NEW things, and I feel happy about the variation there is. I am also very looking forward to exploring new areas in the two fields I feel passionate about, and getting rewarded while on it. 

I don't know what else is in store for me in the next couple of months, but it will be great.

Flow and Productivity

Yesterday was a really good day for me. I went down to Vancouver just before noon and stayed there until four o'clock. I bought a venti Soy Caramel Macchiato and a snack to get me by. I had it all planned - I was going to stay under a tree with this marvellous book I am currently reading until life decides to pull me back. Seriously, there is nothing better than finally getting something you have been pining for in a long time. I needed the time to myself. I needed the time away from everything good and bad and just live in the now. It was not a lazy day. If anything, I think I accomplished more yesterday than any day I had had in the past weeks. I was in a state of flow. 

This was also my view. Imagine my regret had I stayed home on a beautiful Friday!

Aside from the wonderful time I spent by myself, I also finally received my final grade for Sociology *screaming inside* Super thankful. My professor replied to my inquiry regarding the rest of the assignments we still have to pick up and in his email, instead of highly recommending that I should present my research at the conference, this time he says to make sure that I do. Nothing official yet but.. it's not an opportunity I'm going to let slip by.

In related news, I am still waiting for my final grade in Psychology. The wait is making me so anxious, I could just bury my head in the ground and weep. 

Hook, line, and sinker

(This being 10 minutes away from our place, I see it often, but it fascinates me every time.)

I always thought going fishing would mean having four to six hours a day to ponder, reflect on this thing called life. I guess it's fair to say that I always had this idea that if you are out someplace quiet, just sitting there, you would have nothing but yourself and your thoughts to keep you busy. I was wrong. Or at least in fishing, that is not the case. My papa told me once we were out to fish that going fishing actually takes your mind off things. It's because you have your eyes (and maybe all other senses) and even your breathing and pulse carefully waiting for that one tug, that one bite. It makes sense, doesn't it? It makes even more sense once you have been there.

I have kept my dad company many times going fishing. But I never bothered trying because for one, I didn't have my licence, and second of all, I would rather read, write, enjoy the view, and you guessed it, think. I guess I arrived at a point where I have had too much thinking, realizing that it isn't healthy anymore, and so I decided to get a licence. Saturday was the first time I actually went fishing (and caught a couple - woohoo!) and loved it. We started at 7 am. I had this lovely view (pictured above); The sun was hiding, the clouds filled the sky and they reflected in the water too - lovely. It was calm, looking almost like a blanket tucking in the life that lived underneath.The best part of that wondrous Saturday morning, life didn't get in the way. I had no time to think because I was too busy holding my breath, waiting for a tug, and all my focus was on the end of the rod.

I was talking to one of the best friends I have about fishing this morning; I told her it's a good way to take your mind off things. She then asked me if that's what I wanted to do. Thinking about it now, I don't think I ever answered her. Either it slipped my mind or I didn't know what to say. Now that the day is almost coming to a close, I now know what it is I'm running from. It's silly, it's strange, but for me it makes perfect sense - the only thing I am trying to get away from is myself.

tgif.

Thanks to this article by Marziah Karsch, I have successfully imported most entries from my Wordpress blog to blogger. Now I don't have to feel sorry for myself for being so indecisive playing around different blogging platforms and losing the entries I have made. Yayyy!

Waking up at 8am on a Friday, considering I have no school, is lame. Waking up at 8am on a Friday after 11 hours of sleep isn't. That's right, 11 wonderful hours of rest. I slept at 9pm last night. Who sleeps at 9pm?!? I do, but only when the previous night consists of 4-hours of sleep and lots of stress. Wednesday was stressful; don't let me get into the details. Let's just say that group works are not always fun, and forcing myself to stay up until morning with pop and ice cream is never a wise idea. I try not to drink pop and eat ice cream so much anymore, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Although I am not used to sleeping late anymore, old tricks still work, and this gal who spent most of her high school and freshman nights up until the wee hours of the morning can still pull off an all-nighter or two (if left with no choice, heh, I'm not as young anymore. shut up you're only 20)

But still...

So besides the long list of things I need to do, I don't know what to do. Heh. I don't feel like working on my papers yet, although I probably need to start doing so. Maybe I'll make a smoothie and watch a movie. Yeah, that sounds nice (and not just because they rhyme). And then later today, if I feel like it, I will start on my term papers. You go, self.

With lots of love (and a bit of pity),
~*master procrastinator*~ 

There goes the weekend

Friday: Despicable Me 2 & Richmond Night Market with friends

Is there a way scientists can create real-life minions? Because I want one so bad. I wouldn't mind having three or four following me around saying "bottom" repeatedly or singing I Swear and YMCA. I will love them. Also, if anyone wants sweets at the night market, opt for the mini donuts instead of the bubble waffle because for one, it's waaaaay better. Secondly, the line is much shorter. Never again, bubble waffle. You gave me nothing but fat. I was happy to see my friends. I may not have had a full on ~food trip~ but I did have good company, so that makes up for it 100%.

Saturday: Fishing with dad at London's Landing

I didn't really go fishing since I do not have a licence yet. But I did stay by my dad with my yellow pad and pencil, drafting a couple of poems and prose. It is always magnificent by the river. I also took a couple of photos, which I might upload to Flickr soon. In case you were wondering, he didn't catch anything. But that's okay.

Sunday: Went to Chinatown to watch Four Sisters and A Wedding, a Filipino blockbuster film

I would gladly watch it again. Toni Gonzaga, Bea Alonzo (I never liked her until now) and Angel Locsin are gorgeous ladies. Shaina Magdayao is cute. The story was really nice (and I don't usually watch local films!) I guess what made the experience (can I say experience?) even nicer is the homey vibe from the theatre itself. It was a full house - all Filipino - and I guess that reminded me of days when we would go watch a movie in SM malls (Philippines).

Can I just say that July 13 was a horrible day. Why? George Zimmerman, the man who shot Trayvon Martin, is a free man; Cory Monteith, Finn Hudson from Glee, was found dead in a hotel room in Vancouver; Kyle Massey (Cory from That's So Raven) announced he has cancer. Life is just unfair.

The weekend started quite rough for me, but it will surely end well.

It will all pass, they say; it's true. It can't always be smooth sailing.

We need ups and downs to know we're still alive.

Little Moments x Life

We all go through a "phase" in our lives where we think of what has become of us and go, "Am I happy or not?". Or, we try to label ourselves as either successful or a failure. Unfortunately for me, today I have decided that I am, in fact, a failure. It seems hypocritical to hear this from someone who strives to find positivity in everything, doesn't it? I hate to break it to you folks, but I am still human. I love helping others build their success stories but I just can't seem to get mine together.

Don't get me wrong; I have an amazing family, a very loving girlfriend, good grades, but that just isn't enough. I don't know. I feel like I could have done more in the past three years. Must I say I regret not having done what I should have? Yes and no.

Am I a failure? Maybe.

But it isn't too late to become something more. I just hope life lets me catch up.

I find myself very happy when I am around people. I guess that's just innate of us. But when I find myself alone, I overthink things. I look back and blame myself for things I have done, should have done, and might not do. It's quite complicated.

Bottomline is, I think too much. And it isn't the healthy kind.

School, the future, jitters

I have been at a loss for words for the longest time. I don't know why. It could be because I am often overwhelmed by my thoughts and the many things that are happening that I can't seem to pick the right words, the perfect ones that equate to the emotions that come with them. Then I forget I ever planned on writing about them. And I am only left with thoughts and grand memories that I feel will be blogged eventually.

Right now, I feel like telling you that I just paid my registration deposit for next semester. It may seem very odd, reading something so irrelevant and out of the blue, but I am just excited. I register for my classes on the 17th, and if I do that successfully, then I am a semester closer to getting my AA degree. AWWW YEAH. I am desperate to get into a particular writing class - a priority, a first concern, a transcendence - and I am hoping to get the same professor I had last spring. But I really do not want to expect anything since we (or I) know how woopty doo well that went last time. Although honestly, I am very much hopeful. I am desperate. I am actually left with no choice.

I feel desperate for so many things right now. But I can't complain with what I have either.

How are you?

Sans Souci

Eventually, you're going to miss walking under the night sky, 

when it's all in midnight blue and the stars are your only light.

I tweeted this the other night. Friday, to be specific. It had been a rough week and walking under the night sky even for just a short while felt exhilarating. It felt as if no worries in the world ever existed and I was alone and it was good. During my short stroll I did not know that what I thought was the end of a troubled week was only a prelude. That night was great - cooked with the family, drank a little and stayed up `til dawn talking to my girlfriend. Everything that came after, I did not see coming. I talk as if it's such a big deal. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. But what I know is, if I wish to carry on with a worry-free week, I would have to stop thinking or over-thinking, rather. I have always been that kind of person, and it was never the best deal for me. It's unhealthy for me. Trust me when I say that. Should I blame other factors that contribute to this kind of thinking? Media? Other people's misfortune? Or maybe just myself? Maybe just myself.

Now that I think about it, I know why I tweeted that or why I even thought of it. It's an advice for myself - one that I must have predicted I will be needing soon. And soon is now. Maybe, subconsciously, I long for trouble to remind myself of what I must do. When walking under the night sky and it's all shadows and silhouettes - not knowing what's coming for you, what's surrounding you - you just have to follow the stars to guide you home. You just have to follow your heart. And only your heart.

And it will all be better.

Sans Souci (French) adj. carefree

Bringing Back the Rainbow

The other day I realized that even when a blog has been abandoned for quite some time, people continue to visit it. But then again, it does not happen to all of my old blogs. Just one. Just the last blog I abandoned entitled The Random Pool. It's a blog I created dedicated to LGBT issues, topic. I stopped writing there because LGBT issues in the Philippines gradually faded a little after a couple of entries were published. Hence, I really had nothing to write about. And of course I got busy. But since I've written a couple of commentaries on controversial issues, I gained traffic/audience, and got included in search engine results. I found out that readers from anywhere in the world still visit the site, and I bet my life that most of them are members of the gay community or simply curious. That is why I have decided to move The Random Pool here since this is /most/ probably going to be my most active blog ever (besides Tumblr).

I just don't know where to start though. I have a video to do all about non-accepting parents. I guess I can start there. Of course, the personal entries will still be here. And maybe even a couple on body mods or anything I am interested in. Oh, and long-distance relationship tips since I get asked a lot.

But I can only wish I can keep up with this until I get bored and do something else. It's like I have blogger ADD or something. But hey, I can try.

By the way, check this out. It's a video from Dominic/D-Trix's channel. This got me cracking up earlier.

Calling Off the Lazy

So I am officially on vacation. For a week now, actually. I just haven't had the time to write about it.

After many moments of contemplating whether I should take summer classes or not, I have decided to take the summer off from school and get a job. I am quite fearful this vacation isn't going to be as productive as I want it to be though. I feel so picky. But then again, I can't force myself to work a job that is beyond my "skills". Retail, for example. I can't work at a place that sells clothes because I don't know how to fold well. I can't work as a cashier at a fast-paced environment because I hate numbers. I hate math and I fear I might just throw the cash register out the window or something. Plus, I can't take the pressure. I want to work in a relaxed environment. I wish I could work at a place that sells plugs or hair dye.. Hmm. I can always go back to UPS and go back to designing business cards and all that graphic design stuff but... I don't know. It's quite far and going there itself is tiring, what more the 'all-around' job itself. But in fairness, working at UPS is probably the ideal job for..anyone, to be quite honest. It's awesome there but I just don't think I want that now. I saw this wanted sign at this photography studio near here and I think I might give that a shot. It's a part-time job. Not so sure about the job itself but it doesn't seem like anything I can't do.

But enough of that. Here are a couple of things /other than a job/ I wish to achieve this summer:

1. Make tons of LGBT related videos or write-ups
2. Do volunteer work at Our City of Colours or SPCA
3. Read a book or two (lol)

..and many other things that actually require me to get a job first.

Oh, I dyed my hair black. The reason as to why I did this thing I never thought I would do is (a). I have to admit, dyeing the hair can get pretty tiring and well, it's quite high maintenance. (b). I have a final 'thing' to do with my hair and I thought I'd let it rest first. The last time I had my natural black hair was in April 2009.

I look like this now. People are still trying to adjust. Lol.

Free Coffee

Happy Monday to everybody! It's the first week of April and I am glad it started off pretty well for me. I don't wish to speak so soon but so far, I'm really having a good day. I thought I'd try my luck with the Tim Horton's roll up the rim contest again so I bought coffee today (I was also feeling so drowsy and was in need of some waking up). As I was brushing up on my presentation, I decided to roll up the rim. Look what I rolled up the rim to!

(I just had to take the cup home and take a photo lol blogging purposes)

I finally won something! Woohoo! I hope I win a car next time. Mehehe. Anyway, I had my poetry presentation this morning. So we were supposed to present a poem of our choice, discuss its form and all that jazz, then make a response to it in a form of a poem as well. I made a response to one of my favourite poems, "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost. And my response is entitled "Bound". I wrote this last night. I was having a hard time writing so I had to go sit by the window and write about it first before actually coming up with a poem.

Robert Frost's poem speaks to me so much, and I mean on a personal level. I have known the poem for 6 years and have memorized it by heart. I got positive feedback from the people in my class so I guess I did okay.

OH, I received an email from BAF and well, three cheers for good news!! Yey :)

This day has been, so, good. I hope I don't run out of luck. I am in dire need of it all throughout the week. I have so much to do! It's insane! But next week should be a breeze except for Tuesday because I have an exam scheduled.

Rants of A Frustrated Writer

I am such a frustrated writer. I can't think of any topic to write about. I also don't have time to write without having this pressure on pushed against me because midterms are coming up. But not to worry, I have only 8 or 9 weeks left before my summer vacation. What am I good at in writing? Or what do I think I am good at in writing? Hmm.. LGBT? Yeah I think that's about it. And also maybe well-being stuff. I don't know. I feel like a Dr. Phil for the gay community only a lot less wiser and less aggressive, which isn't a bad thing at all. Another problem I have is gaining readers.

Two problems in gaining readers:

1. Most Filipinos love LGBT-related topics. Problem? They don't really like reading. It's a sad fact. They would rather see pictures and watch videos :( I have a YouTube account, but I can't always post videos. Also, most Filipinos appreciate posts in Tagalog more. Problem? I'm not good in expressing my thoughts in Filipino. I lose in so many ways..

2. I target readers from other countries too; but I lack connections. I don't think foreign bloggers and I have common interests. I have yet to scout for LGBT bloggers or anyone interested in about anything for that matter.

But then again, I don't think I should limit myself to writing about just one topic. I can just categorize them or something. Meh. I can't think really well..I am a bit frustrated about my upcoming midterms. Not that I am afraid of the content or of the test, but I'm not happy about the fact that I only have midterms in my Gen Ed courses. I hate Gen Ed.

Tell me what will make you come back to this blog and read.

The Corner Space

Surprise, surpise! I am back! (Well, not so surprising considering the numerous blogs I have abandoned over the last 6 years of my existence in the blogging industry naks) But yes, I am once again recharged, up and writing.

Over the past few days, I had been caught in a dilemma - one that was only resolved this afternoon; the reason being I am cheap & broke. I was torn between setting up a new blog in Wordpress and Blogger. I have known about Wordpress for forever but have been with Blogger since 2005. I was only introduced to the actuality of using Wordpress last week when I had to set up a blog for my English class. I found it to be really organized. They have this drag-and-drop system for your site and adding new entries was easy as pie. The only problem I encountered with them was editing the theme. One just couldn't edit the theme nor upload a different WP template without paying extra. Plus, if I buy a domain from a different host, I still won't have FTP Access until I pay a few more bucks. Too many hidden charges (not really hidden but you wouldn't actually realize you would be cashing out that much until you actually decide to set up in WP). I drew the line there and decided to just crash and burn in my comfort zone which is Blogger. Don't get me wrong. It's not like I had no choice. I love Blogger. And reading articles on the new features made me love it more. And the domain is cheap so that's plus plus plus points.

I spent the whole afternoon hunting for a template that will suit my need for a personal blog plus a space I'll be able to showcase the things I want to share or plug. In other words, I need a blog + website kind of thing which leads me to my next agenda after finalizing the layout - buying a domain. As I have mentioned, Blogger's domain hosting is cheap.

Setting that aside now. I have to go read for Biology. Oh I want to talk about so much but I have to put my studies first. Naaaaakssss.

Let me leave you with this photo of my beloved hair which I dyed purple yesterday.

Hi! I am Joey. If you don't know me yet, I am a nineteen year old

color freak. I dye my hair really loud colours often trying to make

the world a happier place~ I am also, slightly, a feminist and an LGBT Advocate

lol