Hook, line, and sinker

(This being 10 minutes away from our place, I see it often, but it fascinates me every time.)

I always thought going fishing would mean having four to six hours a day to ponder, reflect on this thing called life. I guess it's fair to say that I always had this idea that if you are out someplace quiet, just sitting there, you would have nothing but yourself and your thoughts to keep you busy. I was wrong. Or at least in fishing, that is not the case. My papa told me once we were out to fish that going fishing actually takes your mind off things. It's because you have your eyes (and maybe all other senses) and even your breathing and pulse carefully waiting for that one tug, that one bite. It makes sense, doesn't it? It makes even more sense once you have been there.

I have kept my dad company many times going fishing. But I never bothered trying because for one, I didn't have my licence, and second of all, I would rather read, write, enjoy the view, and you guessed it, think. I guess I arrived at a point where I have had too much thinking, realizing that it isn't healthy anymore, and so I decided to get a licence. Saturday was the first time I actually went fishing (and caught a couple - woohoo!) and loved it. We started at 7 am. I had this lovely view (pictured above); The sun was hiding, the clouds filled the sky and they reflected in the water too - lovely. It was calm, looking almost like a blanket tucking in the life that lived underneath.The best part of that wondrous Saturday morning, life didn't get in the way. I had no time to think because I was too busy holding my breath, waiting for a tug, and all my focus was on the end of the rod.

I was talking to one of the best friends I have about fishing this morning; I told her it's a good way to take your mind off things. She then asked me if that's what I wanted to do. Thinking about it now, I don't think I ever answered her. Either it slipped my mind or I didn't know what to say. Now that the day is almost coming to a close, I now know what it is I'm running from. It's silly, it's strange, but for me it makes perfect sense - the only thing I am trying to get away from is myself.

I had forgotten how much I love being by the water watching the tide come in and waiting for the sun to set. I had forgotten how serene it is when the current has finally reached the calm and the tiny ripples that give life to it are like a blanket covering life that never ceases being in motion. It never stops - life, that is - and most days and most nights, we long to pause it simply because we wish to look at what we have done and what we have yet to do, and have time to appreciate it without worrying that the time we spend pondering on the small things, could be time spent on something else - something that isn't in the now. What ever happened to living in the present?

Outta Time - Oasis

A note for the downhearted

Someone once told me that the real adventure in life starts when you realize that all you have ever accomplished is knowing how to make sense of it all. It is when you realize the world is way ahead of you while your true journey has only just begun. It is when you see yourself climbing that mountain while all of them are already at the peak roasting marshmallows, singing Kumbaya around a campfire. Time is gold. Time is precious. Time is bliss. When all the world makes you feel downhearted, remember that your journey is unique - not because you are on that road less traveled, but because you are trying to figure life out at your own pace. And when you think to yourself that you have made the right call, that is when you start working up, with vigour and passion.

This someone could be wrong or on point. But either way, this someone is in all of us, smiling at you when you fail, when you succeed, and will always be there to cheer you on when you finally learn to believe in yourself.

"We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time." 

- T.S. Eliot

Little Moments x Life

We all go through a "phase" in our lives where we think of what has become of us and go, "Am I happy or not?". Or, we try to label ourselves as either successful or a failure. Unfortunately for me, today I have decided that I am, in fact, a failure. It seems hypocritical to hear this from someone who strives to find positivity in everything, doesn't it? I hate to break it to you folks, but I am still human. I love helping others build their success stories but I just can't seem to get mine together.

Don't get me wrong; I have an amazing family, a very loving girlfriend, good grades, but that just isn't enough. I don't know. I feel like I could have done more in the past three years. Must I say I regret not having done what I should have? Yes and no.

Am I a failure? Maybe.

But it isn't too late to become something more. I just hope life lets me catch up.

I find myself very happy when I am around people. I guess that's just innate of us. But when I find myself alone, I overthink things. I look back and blame myself for things I have done, should have done, and might not do. It's quite complicated.

Bottomline is, I think too much. And it isn't the healthy kind.

School, the future, jitters

I have been at a loss for words for the longest time. I don't know why. It could be because I am often overwhelmed by my thoughts and the many things that are happening that I can't seem to pick the right words, the perfect ones that equate to the emotions that come with them. Then I forget I ever planned on writing about them. And I am only left with thoughts and grand memories that I feel will be blogged eventually.

Right now, I feel like telling you that I just paid my registration deposit for next semester. It may seem very odd, reading something so irrelevant and out of the blue, but I am just excited. I register for my classes on the 17th, and if I do that successfully, then I am a semester closer to getting my AA degree. AWWW YEAH. I am desperate to get into a particular writing class - a priority, a first concern, a transcendence - and I am hoping to get the same professor I had last spring. But I really do not want to expect anything since we (or I) know how woopty doo well that went last time. Although honestly, I am very much hopeful. I am desperate. I am actually left with no choice.

I feel desperate for so many things right now. But I can't complain with what I have either.

How are you?