The Year That Was (013)

Dear blog,

You must hate me for changing your name thrice this year, or love me because I spoil you with a new look every time even when no one really looks. You see, I want you to always feel pretty and cared for.

In case you don't know, it's the last day of the year. And it has been one hell of a year. Crazy. Crazy good.

I feel like I owe you an apology. Remember last year when I made a blog post about 2013 goals? They hardly happened. I feel like a failure for not being able to meet my goals and expectations, but I am happy that many other (GREAT) things happened instead.

I attended school from January up to December this year with about 2 weeks off between semesters. I learned so much from my classes, and met the most amazing professors I am probably going to remember all my life. I was given the opportunity to present two papers at a student conference - my first one ever. I made my parents very proud. I made my whole family very proud. I, too, am proud of myself, but I could be more proud had I done a couple of things differently. But I know that things don't always go your way, you can't please everybody, and that things happen.

This year, I feel that I have spent sufficient time with my family, which I believe is very important. I know that I have been a very good daughter. Sometimes it gets exhausting, but that's just a matter of fact. I will never complain for spending too much time with my family, or cooking several dishes all at once because I like seeing people I love happy. It makes me happy.

I'm not rich in material things; I am still in the process of making that happen. But I am very, very rich in faith, family, and love above all other things. I know that material riches count. Some people think my priorities are shitty for settling with the few things I have. I don't know. I guess that's just how I roll.

I made new friends, and became distant with some. I don't consider them 'lost friendships' because I will always be a friend. Even if I don't talk with someone for several months, I will still be there - ready to pick things up where we left off. I'm that kind of person. I value people more than I should.

I'm ranting. Forgive me, blog. It's the last day of the year and I feel it's right to express my sentiments. Consider it as taking down a heavy load, ready to pick up new ones starting tomorrow.

I loved 2013. I will always love it. I don't think I can say goodbye to it just yet but I guess I have to in a few hours. Tomorrow scares me. 2014 scares me. But I think it will be fine. Don't you think?

It will be okay.

Love,
Joey of 2013

The grand life: All things unseen

Post-birthday realization: I am twenty-one. I am blessed. I have a far from perfect life, but I am happy. Instead of sulking and wishing that things would be better for me, I have learned to accept that some things are not meant to happen now. How else are we to get on with our lives if we don't first accept that the things we don't have are just not meant to be ours right now? Stop asking "why not me?" and start saying "not yet".

Coincidentally, as it will be for the next 2 more years, my birthday sat on Thanksgiving weekend! I was so hungover from my birthday last year, I don't remember what we did for Thanksgiving! What did we do last year? Whatever it is that we did, it must have been fun. Celebratory. This year was quite different. I decided not to celebrate my birthday nor Thanksgiving with turkey because I had an exam to prepare for. Party pooper, I know. It was a big exam for me and I needed the time to study. Instead of celebrating my 21st birthday with booze or lots of food because of the woohoo-I'm-legal-everywhere ideology, I had a nice dinner with my parents. Simple, but special. I may not have celebrated the past weekend as I did last year, but nevertheless, I am thankful for so many things from the past year. Here are a few:

1. Family. If any of you recall, my mom wasn't in Canada for my birthday last year. The last time I celebrated my birthday with both my parents present was in 2011. That was a good year. A week after my 2012 birthday, my grandfather passed away. It was a really sad time. Although it was nice to have gone home for even just a week, I wish my lolo didn't have to go so soon. I still miss him. When I think of him, I feel like crying. Now that it's almost a year since, I am thankful for the strength He has given my family, especially my grandmother. I am thankful for everyone's good health. I am thankful I got to know someone as marvellous as my grandfather.

2. Jam. In two weeks, it will be exactly one year since we last saw each other (for a week).  I am thankful for all the strength, love, and patience we have in our relationship. On our 43rd month next week, I am thankful that we've come this far. She is amazing. My life is amazing because of her.

3. Friends. Some grow apart, some grow closer. I am thankful for every friendship. I am thankful for the opportunities I am given to reconnect with people. I am also thankful for new acquaintances and people I met over the internet who support me in everything I do.

4. Puberty. Yes, this is on the list. Have you seen me before? Have you seen how hideous I used to look? Not saying that I am attractive now, but I look less gusgusin (unkempt). Or I'm just fatter? Whatever, but I like me better now.

The old photos were taken only four years ago. Imagine if we go back further. It really does get better.

5. Life. Of course, life. For every opportunity to learn, share, appreciate;; for every moment of failure and success; of love and hate; I am thankful. Thank you for this life.

It is definitely a grand life: not in material, not in success, but in every blessing I am showered. My life is not my life because of me. Occasionally, I would give myself a tap on the back. There are reasons why I should be proud of myself, but it's not right to take all the credit. It is all because of everything and everyone around me that I am here today. And HIM, of course. I owe it to everyone but myself.

Positive reinforcement

The thing is, the next few months are going to be very busy. It is only my second week back and I am already feeling jittery, panicky about the large chunks of work I have to accomplish in such a short period of time. Do not get me wrong, though; I am very excited. I will be working on totally different things, NEW things, and I feel happy about the variation there is. I am also very looking forward to exploring new areas in the two fields I feel passionate about, and getting rewarded while on it. 

I don't know what else is in store for me in the next couple of months, but it will be great.

Rear-view truth: Who's there for you?

Sometimes I feel like I connect myself with people too much. Sometimes I suck at being a friend, sometimes I think I might be too much of one. And it's not helping anyone. If anything, it makes things worse. You think you have people who support and understand you, but in reality, they just judge you. They don't really know you.

To distance yourself from people will make you cynical, socially withdrawn, but if you don't, that makes you blind. It's hard to know your place in the world. Unless you write a memoir of some sort, and have your whole life laid out in front of them, they will never understand. They will assume things based on what they see, what you tell them, and they accept them as if that's all there is to it. It's just the tip of the iceberg, but I guess not everyone bothers to hold their breath and see what lies beneath it all. No one will understand the pressure you go through, or the conflict you have with yourself everyday. No one will understand the standards you have to measure up to just to make things better.

Desperate times call for desperate measures, and believe me, I am very desperate. But I don't expect anybody to understand. See, there are social norms, roles out there we are all expected to play. Failure to adhere to these norms make you deviant. It's sad to think that people lack the ability to understand that not everyone is capable of doing so. Sometimes, you have to deviate yourself from the rest in other to make something out of everyday, even if it's not what everyone else is doing. But like most people, you try to fit in. You try to be one of them, but it doesn't always work. And personally, I would rather take the alternate route where something is actually working. At least I'm doing something.

But again, don't expect anyone to understand.

I am sure there are a lot of other people who share the same sentiments. We all have different stories, most of us are just really good at hiding them. We pretend everything is okay, when there is so much going on in our heads. Pretend and you're a fraud, you're selfish; Stop pretending, tell everyone everything and you become an attention whore who worries too much. Tell me now, what good is there in pretending or not pretending? Where do you cross the line? When do you know who you can talk to? I guess we will never know the answer to these questions unless we become victims of our own mistakes.

How sad.

P.S. You never owe anyone an explanation.

Ten Things

We have all been judged.. May it be from people who know us, people who don't know us, or people who think they know us, we have all been there. And at one point in your life, you might have caught yourself saying "if only they knew...". Am I right?

It goes both ways - I admit, I have judged other people before getting to know them or the situation. But that was before I decided to change and be critical of everything before judging.

Here is a list for you - ten things to know before judging me - for either my appearance, photos, lifestyle, whatever.

1. I speak Filipino/Tagalog fluently. The reason I speak in English most of the time is because I have friends and followers that aren't Filipino.
2. I put on concealer and press powder when I go out. You know how they work.
3. Yes, I am a lesbian. No, that doesn't mean I can't be feminine in my ways.
4. Yes, I do look the same in person as I do in photos.
5. Most of my batchmates have already graduated from college and I haven't. Reason? No, I didn't fail anything and became irregular - I left DLSU as a dean's lister, and then I moved to Canada to continue university. I had to start from first year because I chose not to get anything credited, aside from the process being complicated.
6. I do my best to eat clean. But as a human being, I have urges to eat unhealthy food once in a while, and I succumb to it fully knowing the consequences. I just counter it.
7. I dye my hair not to get attention, but because it's how I find it best to express myself. In the same way you have piercings and tattoos, I have my hair.
8. I post pictures of what I eat, especially things I cook, because I get asked what I eat to lose weight.
9. I like music I like. I don't like indie music because I'm a hipster. I like it because it's nice. I also happen to like mainstream music like Rihanna and Maroon 5.
10. I am not a snob. If I don't reply to your messages, it's either I haven't had the time to do so or you must have said something inappropriate.

You might be left with questions or whatever. You can ask/say it to me here: http://ask.fm/jmnlgd24

Hook, line, and sinker

(This being 10 minutes away from our place, I see it often, but it fascinates me every time.)

I always thought going fishing would mean having four to six hours a day to ponder, reflect on this thing called life. I guess it's fair to say that I always had this idea that if you are out someplace quiet, just sitting there, you would have nothing but yourself and your thoughts to keep you busy. I was wrong. Or at least in fishing, that is not the case. My papa told me once we were out to fish that going fishing actually takes your mind off things. It's because you have your eyes (and maybe all other senses) and even your breathing and pulse carefully waiting for that one tug, that one bite. It makes sense, doesn't it? It makes even more sense once you have been there.

I have kept my dad company many times going fishing. But I never bothered trying because for one, I didn't have my licence, and second of all, I would rather read, write, enjoy the view, and you guessed it, think. I guess I arrived at a point where I have had too much thinking, realizing that it isn't healthy anymore, and so I decided to get a licence. Saturday was the first time I actually went fishing (and caught a couple - woohoo!) and loved it. We started at 7 am. I had this lovely view (pictured above); The sun was hiding, the clouds filled the sky and they reflected in the water too - lovely. It was calm, looking almost like a blanket tucking in the life that lived underneath.The best part of that wondrous Saturday morning, life didn't get in the way. I had no time to think because I was too busy holding my breath, waiting for a tug, and all my focus was on the end of the rod.

I was talking to one of the best friends I have about fishing this morning; I told her it's a good way to take your mind off things. She then asked me if that's what I wanted to do. Thinking about it now, I don't think I ever answered her. Either it slipped my mind or I didn't know what to say. Now that the day is almost coming to a close, I now know what it is I'm running from. It's silly, it's strange, but for me it makes perfect sense - the only thing I am trying to get away from is myself.

tgif.

Thanks to this article by Marziah Karsch, I have successfully imported most entries from my Wordpress blog to blogger. Now I don't have to feel sorry for myself for being so indecisive playing around different blogging platforms and losing the entries I have made. Yayyy!

Waking up at 8am on a Friday, considering I have no school, is lame. Waking up at 8am on a Friday after 11 hours of sleep isn't. That's right, 11 wonderful hours of rest. I slept at 9pm last night. Who sleeps at 9pm?!? I do, but only when the previous night consists of 4-hours of sleep and lots of stress. Wednesday was stressful; don't let me get into the details. Let's just say that group works are not always fun, and forcing myself to stay up until morning with pop and ice cream is never a wise idea. I try not to drink pop and eat ice cream so much anymore, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Although I am not used to sleeping late anymore, old tricks still work, and this gal who spent most of her high school and freshman nights up until the wee hours of the morning can still pull off an all-nighter or two (if left with no choice, heh, I'm not as young anymore. shut up you're only 20)

But still...

So besides the long list of things I need to do, I don't know what to do. Heh. I don't feel like working on my papers yet, although I probably need to start doing so. Maybe I'll make a smoothie and watch a movie. Yeah, that sounds nice (and not just because they rhyme). And then later today, if I feel like it, I will start on my term papers. You go, self.

With lots of love (and a bit of pity),
~*master procrastinator*~ 

I had forgotten how much I love being by the water watching the tide come in and waiting for the sun to set. I had forgotten how serene it is when the current has finally reached the calm and the tiny ripples that give life to it are like a blanket covering life that never ceases being in motion. It never stops - life, that is - and most days and most nights, we long to pause it simply because we wish to look at what we have done and what we have yet to do, and have time to appreciate it without worrying that the time we spend pondering on the small things, could be time spent on something else - something that isn't in the now. What ever happened to living in the present?

Outta Time - Oasis

A note for the downhearted

Someone once told me that the real adventure in life starts when you realize that all you have ever accomplished is knowing how to make sense of it all. It is when you realize the world is way ahead of you while your true journey has only just begun. It is when you see yourself climbing that mountain while all of them are already at the peak roasting marshmallows, singing Kumbaya around a campfire. Time is gold. Time is precious. Time is bliss. When all the world makes you feel downhearted, remember that your journey is unique - not because you are on that road less traveled, but because you are trying to figure life out at your own pace. And when you think to yourself that you have made the right call, that is when you start working up, with vigour and passion.

This someone could be wrong or on point. But either way, this someone is in all of us, smiling at you when you fail, when you succeed, and will always be there to cheer you on when you finally learn to believe in yourself.

"We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time." 

- T.S. Eliot

Little Moments x Life

We all go through a "phase" in our lives where we think of what has become of us and go, "Am I happy or not?". Or, we try to label ourselves as either successful or a failure. Unfortunately for me, today I have decided that I am, in fact, a failure. It seems hypocritical to hear this from someone who strives to find positivity in everything, doesn't it? I hate to break it to you folks, but I am still human. I love helping others build their success stories but I just can't seem to get mine together.

Don't get me wrong; I have an amazing family, a very loving girlfriend, good grades, but that just isn't enough. I don't know. I feel like I could have done more in the past three years. Must I say I regret not having done what I should have? Yes and no.

Am I a failure? Maybe.

But it isn't too late to become something more. I just hope life lets me catch up.

I find myself very happy when I am around people. I guess that's just innate of us. But when I find myself alone, I overthink things. I look back and blame myself for things I have done, should have done, and might not do. It's quite complicated.

Bottomline is, I think too much. And it isn't the healthy kind.

School, the future, jitters

I have been at a loss for words for the longest time. I don't know why. It could be because I am often overwhelmed by my thoughts and the many things that are happening that I can't seem to pick the right words, the perfect ones that equate to the emotions that come with them. Then I forget I ever planned on writing about them. And I am only left with thoughts and grand memories that I feel will be blogged eventually.

Right now, I feel like telling you that I just paid my registration deposit for next semester. It may seem very odd, reading something so irrelevant and out of the blue, but I am just excited. I register for my classes on the 17th, and if I do that successfully, then I am a semester closer to getting my AA degree. AWWW YEAH. I am desperate to get into a particular writing class - a priority, a first concern, a transcendence - and I am hoping to get the same professor I had last spring. But I really do not want to expect anything since we (or I) know how woopty doo well that went last time. Although honestly, I am very much hopeful. I am desperate. I am actually left with no choice.

I feel desperate for so many things right now. But I can't complain with what I have either.

How are you?

On Nikaido and Tea

(Photo from the Steveston Insider)

On a lovely Saturday afternoon in sunny Steveston, my cousin dragged me to this specialty boutique along No. 1 Road. Nikaido is a quiant, cozy store that sells cards, stationery, and many other things you would want to splurge money on - ehem, cutest of all the cute in the world. This is one side of its interior:

(Photo from the Steveston Insider)

They also sell tea, and A LOT of it. I wish I could tell you about each and every kind, but I can only tell you about one since well, I only purchased one kind that day - the Nikaido Mango Ceylon black tea ($7.95).



I was never a fan of fruity tea until I had this particular one and I was blown away in delight. This black tea has a tangy-ness to it that is just perfect. The pieces that make up the loose leaf are authentic (there isn't much of it out there) and have a wonderful aroma. Whenever I steep this tea at night, or in the late afternoon, its aroma fills the whole place with calm, and it's nice. Also, you can use a batch several times without worrying about your next one being too bland. I also bought my tea filter (around $5) from them.

Nikaido also carries a variety of tea of different brands, some made for cough, weight loss, energy boost, or whatever you need. Name it, they probably have it. My cousin got a double matcha and milk oolong. She loves them too.

This was a really good buy. I can't wait to go back and get some more of a different kind! The lovely couple who owns the place are very nice too. They make you feel welcome to take your time and look at what they have in store.

I wish I had known about Nikaido a long time ago. Then I wouldn't have gone back to grocery stores to buy boxed tea. But hey, we learn, we learn.

Mother's Day // Busy Sunday Fun Day

I thought it was a really good day. It was simple, but it was fun.

We had a family lunch out to celebrate one of my cousins' birthday and Mother's Day of course. Lunch was courtesy of my cousin and aunt. It was fun catching up with everyone and having a good laugh at the small things. We're a very happy family - I think we're rather the nice to be around kind of people. We love to eat - already a plus right there!



That's me, by the way - platinum hair, leather jacket, short stuff. Yeah, that's me surrounded by awesome family. See our faces? All smiles, as a result of a good, greasy lunch at the Hog Shack, and good conversations.

And of course, this is one of those I like to call an obligaroty family photo.

Since it was Mother's Day, of course I wanted the day to be a little extra for the momma. And since every restaurant in the Lower Mainland is probably overflowing in reservations, I decided to sit my dad and uncle down and ask if they were willing to join me in cooking. Oh yeah, it happened. The three of us ransacked the kitchen to cook. Fact: we all love to cook at anytime of any day, but tonight, it was all on us and all my mom had to do was sit back, relax, and wait for everything to be set. She'd stand and move around the kitchen once or twice but we have to admit, it's a wife/mother's instinct to check up on everything and make sure that everything is still tip top.

So I am very tired from preparing tonight's meal, dessert included. It was extremely fun though. I'm glad everything from this morning to the wee hours of tonight turned out well for everyone.

Such culinary delight!

Props.

Things happen for a reason. I believe in this. And recently, my faith in this really got reinforced. I try to avoid involving religion with anything because I network with people who don't share the same beliefs but let me just say that this is an example of God's plan and how He works in such mysterious ways.

I mentioned in my last entry that I won't be getting my degree this year because the courses I need won't be offered in the summer. It's not a bad thing after all. I double checked my course framework and I was surprised to find out (realize, rather) that I can't just take and take whatever course I want. Twenty-one out of my 36 Arts Credits must be taken at a second-year level. Good gravy! I am so relieved I saw that. Had I ignored the framework the night before registration, I wouldn't even be close to graduating in Spring 2014 (hopefully)!

Forward

"Keep your eye on the prize"

There's been a slight change of plans, and I am not happy about it. It looks like I won't be getting my Associate's degree this December because the courses I need to take in the summer won't be available. That means I have to extend my stay in KPU a bit more. Frustrating as it seems, I try to keep my head up and stay positive.

Also, there's this thing I really want. But getting it isn't as easy as ordering online or walking into a store in the mall. In fact, it really isn't something I will be able to get in a year or two. SO this is keeping me motivated (and hopefully even more in the summer)

2013 is the year.

Wayward Son

You, wayward son, are unbelievable. I guess that's why they call you wayward, huh? One day you're out to escape and see the world; to explore and weigh your options, and the next, you are drawn right back in by your foolishness and fear. You loathe your unhappiness in where you are, and yet you can't seem to leave because this is all you have known to do. You may not be perfectly good at it, but you try. So I won't condemn you even if you know you have better things to do, bigger things to accomplish. Because the way I see it, you're doing your job. In fact, you're doing a great job; remarkable. Someday, people will see you for what you're worth and they will admire you. You know why? You never gave up; That's why.

Settle down, wayward son. Hush now.

Sans Souci

Eventually, you're going to miss walking under the night sky, 

when it's all in midnight blue and the stars are your only light.

I tweeted this the other night. Friday, to be specific. It had been a rough week and walking under the night sky even for just a short while felt exhilarating. It felt as if no worries in the world ever existed and I was alone and it was good. During my short stroll I did not know that what I thought was the end of a troubled week was only a prelude. That night was great - cooked with the family, drank a little and stayed up `til dawn talking to my girlfriend. Everything that came after, I did not see coming. I talk as if it's such a big deal. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. But what I know is, if I wish to carry on with a worry-free week, I would have to stop thinking or over-thinking, rather. I have always been that kind of person, and it was never the best deal for me. It's unhealthy for me. Trust me when I say that. Should I blame other factors that contribute to this kind of thinking? Media? Other people's misfortune? Or maybe just myself? Maybe just myself.

Now that I think about it, I know why I tweeted that or why I even thought of it. It's an advice for myself - one that I must have predicted I will be needing soon. And soon is now. Maybe, subconsciously, I long for trouble to remind myself of what I must do. When walking under the night sky and it's all shadows and silhouettes - not knowing what's coming for you, what's surrounding you - you just have to follow the stars to guide you home. You just have to follow your heart. And only your heart.

And it will all be better.

Sans Souci (French) adj. carefree

The Film, The Lady, Then There's Me.

I always thought I wouldn't be caught dead at a bookstore chatting with someone on books and the finer things in life. But I guess life's just good at taking us by surprise.

The evening of Sunday, I watched a movie entitled "Midnight in Paris". To be honest, I watched it because Tom Hiddleston was in it. I had no idea what the movie was about but it looked interesting. The main character was played by Owen Wilson and there were many known celebrities in the movie which made it okay to watch even if I really had no idea what the plot was. It was actually about a young writer who went to Paris with his fiance and her parents. One night he got drunk and decided to walk the streets of Paris. When the clock struck at midnight, a 1920s Crossley passed by him and a couple of men, happily drinking, invited him in. Next thing he knew, he was having a drink with Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald and having a discussion with Ernest Hemingway on being a writer. Imagine being critiqued by Gertrude Stein, seeing Picasso at work and having a love affair with his mistress, Adriana. It is a writer's fantasy. I don't know about you but all throughout the movie, I was just smiling and laughing. I was astonished. I had known so little about Hemingway, the Fitzgeralds and Stein who I was told my writings were similar with. Moreover, the movie just mad fall even more in love with Paris.

The movie got me so interested in going back to the classics of the 1920s and start reading. Just so you know, I am not much of a bookworm but I do love classic literature.   I used to love Shakespeare but I thought maybe that kind of literature's quite old so let me advance a little bit.. I also do not like fiction that much especially the ones from today. I downloaded an E-book of 'A Moveable Feast' by Ernest Hemingway which is a biography of his life in Paris from 1921-1926 (I'll write a review on it when I finish). I don't know what got me so excited to read. The following day, I hurried to the library. I thought the library was the best place to read without anything else distracting me. My eyes got tired from the radiation though, so I decided to bail on my E-book and run to the bookstore to get a printed copy.

That was where I had a chat with the lady from the bookstore. While she looked through the shelves to find the book, she asked about one of Hemingway's short stories about an elephant who was on the loose and questioned everything around him. She must have assumed I had read most of Hemingway's work. Normally I would just shake my head and apologize for not knowing but this time, I knew. I knew the story since I read it back in highschool. So unfortunately, she didn't have the book I was looking for so she asked me how I liked my e-book instead. I told her I didn't like it because I really didn't. I don't know why but I just dislike reading a book from my iPad. She then pointed out that books bring so much joy - being able to write notes, highlighting your favourite quotes, lending it to a friend, going in a bookstore, inhaling the smell of new and old paper and having casual conversations with a stranger. I admit that struck me. I never realized why I always go in and out of a bookstore without anything in hand until that. It's the small things that make a trip to the bookstore worthwhile and going out with a book in your hand is even more exciting. Not to mention I love highlighting quotes from books. I thanked her for her help and for the chat and left.

I couldn't just give up my search for the book so I went to Chapters. I saw all the books I was looking for but guess what, I did not end up buying the printed copy of 'A Moveable Feast'. I thought, I'm almost halfway the book, I should just finish it and get a different one. I still plan on buying a printed copy of Hem's book though. I purchased "This Side of Paradise" by F. Scott Fitzgerald. I honestly can't wait to start reading it.

I can't tell you how much the movie and the lady from the bookstore changed my perspective. The movie reminded me of my love for literature and the lady reminded me of the finer things in life we fail to see everyday. Random, isn't it? Life is just so random. Spontaneous.

Rain or Shine

If there is one thing I love and would be caught doing during rainy days, it's sleeping. In fact this morning, I had a hard time getting out of bed. I set my alarm at 9am, snoozed like a gazillion times and finally got up at 11. P-R-O-ductive. I could have done so much in those two hours but all I managed to do was close my window since the rain was coming in, and tap the snooze button. ( If you follow me on Twitter, you may have noticed my weekly if not biweekly craving for Matcha. Ever since I had that good Matcha bubble tea, I just couldn't go past any Blenz store without one) I am currently having a nice Matcha drink from Blenz while waiting for my friend Chiui. We're heading to the airport to apply for a job. Before coming here, I passed by this one store that had a job posting on the window. I went in to find out that the job opportunity was a small business where income is continuous. I am sort of familiar with the task since my cousin is already running his own. I was told that there is going to be a seminar all about it on Saturday at a hotel a train ride away. I might drop by. Or I might not. I am no business minded person. But I could surely use the money. Is it just me, or does my matcha taste like avocado? If you don't know what matcha is, it is actually green tea. So it tastes like grass. Good grass. An acquired taste though.  From where I am sitting,  it seems like the sun is coming out! I can see the light passing through the glass dome above me. I have a good feeling about this day. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I am right. I hope I am right.

The Blunt Truth

The blunt truth is I need a job. 

I need a job because I can't spend my whole summer vacation staring at the ceiling thinking of what to do to kill time. I need a job because I need the Canadian experience which will help me professionally. I need a job because I can't always be too dependent on my parents. I need a job because I want and I need to earn. The blunt truth is I need a job because of the money.

I want to find a job soon because time is running out and before I know it, I will be back in school drowning in 5 courses worth of workload. I want to find a job soon because hours are wasting and I could be spending those hours earning at least $10.25. I have already done the math. If I find a job soon, I will be able to earn a not-that-bad amount of money then I can buy that expensive lamp I want or those plugs that cost $46 a piece or put it in the bank so I can start earning.

I am lucky that my parents are paying for school and here in Canada, that is sort of a big deal. They aren't pushing me to get a job but I am not so fond of the idea that I am unemployed when I can be working at a retail shop or maybe as a photographer or graphic designer once again.

Although I am sort of in a complex situation where (being too hard on myself in thoughts) might make me regret the decisions I am making. But I am thinking long-term. It's going to be okay.

It is going to be okay.

The blunt truth is I am going to be okay.