The Things We Owe

Do you ever experience that sudden burst of sentimentality, even without any reason, whenever it rains? I do. Always. And it's one of those moments, too, wherein you play slow alternatives, sit by the window and pretend you're in a music video or something. I don't really imagine myself in being in a music video though. Instead, I listen to music and I begin to write. For some reason, it's when I am in that sentimental mood that gets me writing.

It's a Saturday afternoon. A dark, rainy one. And I am here thinking of writing on a topic that will suit the photos I took a while back.

I haven't been thinking deeply; hence, I haven't really had any realizations on life, on everything that we can all actually benefit from. I am so busy with school, I feel so drawn away from everything else. Quite frankly, it's actually nice. I don't know. Sometimes I feel like detaching from some things. My girlfriends knows that. I tell her my sentiments even the most nonsensical ones, and she's really great for keeping up with me :) She tells me I shouldn't mind it. But to myself, I always think of starting anew. Or something to that effect only less tiring and complicated.

I might not know the implications of what I am about to say and maybe I am out of my mind for saying this but sometimes I think to myself, I just want to grow up. I love being 19, young, and totally free to grab any opportunity that comes my way - may it be good or bad - but I just don't enjoy it that much as other teenagers. I dislike childish acts. I know I am guilty of that sometimes, and I despise myself for that, but I just want to keep all of that aside. I can't really explain it here, nor will I want or be able to explain it to anybody.

I guess I just want to change. or be better. What's difficult is the process - pulling away from the many things that have been with me for a while - progressive or not - and not regretting it. This isn't something that bothers me so much, just something that crosses my mind from time to time. I don't know. I want a quiet life. A quiet life with my girlfriend, working our way up our dreams ♥

In other words, maybe, I want to be more of a private person now, but I have gotten so used to being so public, so open I don't know how to pull away. I don't regret any of it though. I am actually grateful.

I don't worry so much. But yeah, it's something I'd write about.

Here's a song I have been listening to all afternoon. It's a really nice song.

Takida "The things we owe" from Johan Bååth on Vimeo.